I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize