Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize