Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
