I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
