you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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