she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
