i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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