Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
