Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
