Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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