I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
