she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
