I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
