Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
