so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
