I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
