So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
