All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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