she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
