I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
