Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
