sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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