To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
there is glitter all over my balls
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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