Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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