just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
