new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
