Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
