I seem to have left my pride at pride
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
