if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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