I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
this is an emotional support booty call
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
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