hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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