You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have already put on my inside pants.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
