but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
