You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
