Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Drake has all the answers
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
