Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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