You made me cry and you don't even care
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
