Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
