i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
