He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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