I have demons in me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
