pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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