Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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