Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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