There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
