Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
