i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Shame - the story of my life.
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