So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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