we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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