Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
