I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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