I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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