I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
