That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
