Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
