That's intense
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
