so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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