Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
