i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
