we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
