does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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