my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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