My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
