Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
