Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
